


Cold

by thebestworstthing



Category: Dreamwastaken, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF, mcyt
Genre: Angst, DreamSMP - Freeform, Family Dynamic, Gen, Ghostbur, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, canon character death, set just after the war, sleepy bois inc - Freeform, this is sad sorry folks, tommy and wilbur centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:34:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27663451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebestworstthing/pseuds/thebestworstthing
Summary: “Do you believe in an afterlife?” Tommy asks quietly, voice breaking slightly from lack of use.**Wilbur Soot is cold, and his friends aren't okay.
Relationships: Dave | Technoblade & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Comments: 15
Kudos: 195





	Cold

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this based in my personal experiences with grief today. I'm tired and my brain hurts and this is probably awful but im sharing it anyway. enjoy <3

“Do you believe in an afterlife?” Tommy asks quietly, voice breaking slightly from lack of use. The room has been silent for far too long and the tension is thick enough to cut with a knife.

They’re sat under the stars, on the prime path looking down over the blown up remains of L’Manberg. Fire still burns down there, and the smoke and darkness make it difficult to see the full extent of the damage, but Tommy knows enough has happened to make rebuilding it practically impossible.

Techno, stood off to the side and separate from them, huffs and turns to leave. He might be family, but Tommy is glad to see him go. He hasn’t forgiven him yet. He doesn’t know if he ever will. The withers (“ _You wanna be a hero Tommy? Then die like one._ ”) are burned into his memory forever and Tommy doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to forget the look on Techno’s face as he prepared to kill him.

Nobody else speaks for a few moments, Tommy regrets opening his mouth in the first place. The suffocating silence was almost better than this awkward apprehension everyone seems to have. He swallows nervously.

After a moment, Tubbo speaks, “I like to think there’s something out there, you know?”

And yeah. Tommy does know.

As much as he might hate Wilbur right now, he hopes he is not just _gone_. He hopes there’s a chance they’ll meet again – in the afterlife. When he’s made peace with Wilbur’s choice and the anger no longer burns inside him like venom. When he can look at Techno without remembering the fear he had. When he can look at Phil without remembering the sword going through Wilbur’s chest. When everything is okay again.

But right now, nothing is okay and Tommy is painfully aware of it.

Someone sniffles across from him, but Tommy’s gaze is fixated on his own shoes, splattered with mud and dust. He has to resist the urge to scream, to cry, to lay on the floor and kick his legs in the air like a toddler because _this isn’t fair._ _None of this is fair_. _Wilbur is dead and none of this is fair._

Why did Wilbur have to blow up L’Manberg? Why did he have to ruin their hard work? Betray them? Why did he take everything Pogtopia fought for and destroy it in a single push of a button?

_Why did he have to die?_

Tommy wipes his eyes before anymore tears can form. He’s cried too much today already. His eyes are puffy and he’s had a headache for about five hours now.

“I hope there’s something out there. An afterlife, I mean. I don’t want my last memory of Wilbur to be-“ His voice dies in his throat and a single tear trickles down his cheek. “To be _hating_ him.”

And then the dam breaks again, and Tommy is sobbing.

“I never even got to say goodbye.” Tommy whispers. Nobody makes a move to comfort him, and he doesn’t expect them to. Everyone is in pain right now, everyone is grieving a huge loss and nursing an open wound of betrayal. Not a single one of them is okay.

After a second, Niki wipes her eyes and looks up. “Why did he have to leave us like this?” She asks, and her voice is timid. Quiet and scratchy as she idly picks grass off the ground and twirls strands of it between her fingers.

“He always did have a flair for the dramatics.” Phil says.

And suddenly Tommy is laughing. He’s laughing so hysterically it hurts and people are staring at him but he can’t even bring himself to care. His brother is dead. His brother blew up their country and then was murdered by their father, and it’s not even slightly funny but its also the funniest thing Tommy’s ever thought of.

After a second, everyone else joins in. They’re sitting under the stars, the fire is still burning, Wilbur is dead, and they are _laughing_.

Maybe it’s the sleep deprivation. Maybe it’s the adrenaline wearing off. Maybe it’s the stress of today wearing off. But whatever it is, Tommy cannot stop laughing.

After a few moments, his chest starts to ache and his laugher stops with a soft sigh. He reaches a hand up to his face to brush back his hair and is shocked to find his face is wet with tears.

Phil sniffs, and Tommy watches him bring a hand up to wipe his eyes. His father is the strongest man he knows, and seeing him cry helps the reality of the situation sink in more.

His brother is dead.

His brother is dead, and Tommy never got to say goodbye to him.

It hurts in a way that is so painful it threatens to steal the air from Tommy’s lungs. The pain is so intense and awful and completely suffocating. He’ll never get to hear Wilbur laugh again, never get to call him old or insult him jokingly. He’ll never get to listen to Wilbur give a big motivational speech or hear him sing or listen to him play the guitar.

Wilbur will never watch Tommy grow up. He’ll never get to see Tubbo run the country – and Tommy is sure Tubbo will do great, but it hurts knowing Wilbur won’t see it.

Tommy realises then, sitting on the grass and watching the stars move across the sky, that love is a curse. Any kind of love, is just a promise of later pain and suffering.

But, he’ll muse on it later that night when he can’t sleep. And he’ll conclude that maybe knowing you’re loved back, no matter now fleetingly, is worth the potential costs of losing that person.

**

Wilbur Soot is cold. The fire burns around him, but he can’t feel it. His fingers reach into the flames, trying to feel anything but all he gets is numbness and this weird, cold emptiness seeping through his whole being.

He doesn’t remember much. There was an explosion. Phil was there. Everything hurt so intensely, then when he opened his eyes he was numb and cold.

He’s been wondering around aimlessly since then. The buildings are all empty, and the streets are dark and there’s nobody around.

He hears voices sometimes, but they don’t seem friendly so he avoids them.

Wilbur Soot is cold. But the stars are out, and he dangles his feet over the edge of the pit that was once L’Manberg and he wonders why he can’t remember anything. He thinks of his brothers and spares them a thought. He hopes they aren’t cold like he is.

Wilbur has never been religious, but if there is an afterlife, he decides this must be hell.

He’s remembering a ravine decorated with lanterns and redstone and Tommy accidentally trapping himself in the wall when he hears laughter. _Tommy’s laughter_. And for a moment, he thinks he’s imagining it. This world is lonely and cold and grey, but Tommy is loud and bold. He doesn’t belong here.

He stands and runs, faster than he ever has before, chasing the laughter and the faint promise of warmth and safety.

He reaches what remains of the prime path, and spots them sitting at the top, looking down on him. He sees them laughing, and the world bursts into colour. There’s the shimmering purple of netherite, the bright blue of his diamond sword laid on the ground next to Phil, Niki’s hair is reflecting soft rays of golden light, and Fundy’s fur is a beautiful orange. They look so peaceful from a distance, but as he gets closer he notices the blood on his sword, the way Tommy’s face is puffy and his hands shake. They might be laughing, but none of them are happy.

Wilbur slows as he approaches them. When he looks down, his hands are covered in blood and he stops moving as he watches the blood drip off them. Despite the quantity of blood dripping down, the colour of the grass doesn’t change. The grass stays grey, the fire behind him burns grey too. The only colours are the group of his closest friends and family melting into the night.

And that’s when he understands.

Wilbur Soot is cold, but his friends and family are warm. Tommy sniffles and Wilbur feels his heart clench – he is the cause of their unhappiness. Whatever he did to end up here, hurt his friends this much. Suddenly, Wilbur doesn’t want to remember.

“ _I wish WIlbur was here right now,”_ Tommy says quietly, “ _I wish he hadn’t pressed the button._ ”

Wilbur soot is cold, and he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understand why he can’t ruffle Tommy’s hair. Why Techno isn’t with them. Why his throat closes up and his heart beats faster in his chest whenever he looks at his diamond sword in the grass. What button he pressed to get them all in this mess. He doesn’t understand any of it, and he wants to scream until it makes sense to him.

His friends snuggle in closer to each other, Niki pulls her jacket closer around herself and shivers. Her face is speckled with blood, a bandage is wrapped around her leg and blood leaks through. Phil hands her his jacket, and she takes it and wraps it across her shoulders. And then he’s standing and pulling her up after him. Tommy and Tubbo follow them, with Fundy not far behind. Techno is watching from the distance, hidden in the shadows. His shimmering armour gives his position away, and when he looks, Techno is staring at him. Wilbur wonders briefly whether Techno can see him, but the thought vanishes when Techno turns and walks away in the opposite direction. Probably heading back to his own base. They make their way into one of the last remaining buildings of L’Manberg, and Phil makes them all a hot drink to nurse. Despite knowing they can’t see him, Wilbur follows anyway.

Wilbur Soot is cold.

But that is okay,

Because at least his friends are warm.

**Author's Note:**

> I lost a good friend today. It was horrific, and it hurts so much I can't even begin to explain. He didn't deserve to die, and at the minute it feels like everything will never be okay again. But i need to feel this, i think. To feel grief so strongly means that you loved equally as strongly, and that has to count for something, right? 
> 
> Please, if you're reading this, hug the people you love a little tighter and tell them you love them a little more. I promise it's worth it. I would do anything to hug him one more time. 
> 
> If you read this, i hope you're having a much better day than i am.<3
> 
> (i also hope you enjoyed the story and i hope it hurts a lil bit, bc i wanna remind people that love is painful sometimes, but ultimately worth it. leave a comment with ur thoughts if u wanna :D )


End file.
